Environmental Talk

Knee deep in the hoopla ….

In our last episode, we talked about how you can tell green living is an idea that is catching on because it is increasingly being used by desperate real estate agents to help sell houses.

If you’re an environmentally friendly type of person, that’s great. There’s nothing wrong with factoring a city’s good intentions into your housing equation, but it should probably be somewhere down the list behind crime rates, taxes, laws on public nudity and the architectural style of City Hall.

But just in case you’re having a tough time deciding where to buy a house and you need a tie-breaker, here’s a list of 27 Environmentally Friendly Cities according to the Public Communities website:

1. Austin, Texas: “The city plans to have 20% of its power needs met by solar power and other renewable sources by the year 2020.” I plan to have 20% of my sexual needs met by the Pussycat Dolls by the same year. Only time will tell who reaches their goal first.

2. Charlottesville, Virginia: “In addition to an abundance of trees and parks in the area, the city has also adopted an Environmental Sustainability policy.” I think we can all agree parks are important. Where else can our young people go to learn about drinking and sex?

3. Eugene, Oregon: “Eugene is blessed with a naturally green environment ..There are also abundant trails and wetlands for residents to enjoy.” Per capita sales of bug spray are also the highest in the nation.

4. Santa Rosa, California: “Enjoy restaurants and public–places smoke–free in Santa Rosa.” You may also want to enjoy contemplating higher taxes and that Conan the Barbarian is your governor.

5. Honolulu, Hawaii: “This tropical paradise is a good place to vacation and to live.” Duh!

6. Burlington, Vermont: “Burlington takes its recycling very seriously. The city has a compost facility that takes leftover food from local businesses, and yard waste from residents, and turns it into soil that can be used by farmers and gardeners.” Meanwhile, the Burlington Coat Factory has stopped recycling household pets to make collars and cuffs for their affordable line of outerwear.

7. Huntsville, Alabama: “In 2005 the city started “Operation Green Team” which has educated residents and equipped them to help make Huntsville green. Next up: educating residents on how make a carbon-neutral crystal meth lab.

8. St. Paul, Minnesota: “This capital city is noted for having twenty–five percent of its land as green space.” And 25% of its airport stalls occupied by Republicans looking for anonymous sex.

9. Denver, Colorado: “When finally completed, Denver will have the nation’ s largest light right system.” And perhaps a World Series champion?

10. Lexington, Kentucky: “The city has a growth management plan in place and .. was recently named a bike–friendly community.” Plans are underway to manage the growth of horse farms, country music and big hair.

11. Ithaca, New York: “The residents here don’ t let their northern latitude stop them from being green friendly. Approximately 16 percent of residents brave the snow and cold and walk to work - one of the highest rates in the nation.” Word of this kind of lunacy are a reason why some companies are reluctant to hire Cornell graduates.

12. Kansas City, Missouri: “The city has nice clean water.” And, um … great ribs … and that’s about it.

13. Berkeley, California: “This progressive city has one of the highest environmental organization membership rates.” And features the nation’s largest tie-dyed recyling center.

14. Madison, Wisconsin: “Home of the main campus of the University of Wisconsin, this city established an environment commission back in 1975.” Comedy never goes out of style. Also established in 1975: Saturday Night Live.

15. Asheville, North Carolina: “To keep the air clean, Asheville has developed a green vehicles campaign.” Other popular car colors such as blue, white and gray are taxed at a higher rate.

16. Anchorage, Alaska: “It is hard to beat the clean air and water and natural beauty in Alaska’ s biggest city.” It’s also hard to beat the high cost of heating your house and the 2-to-1 ration of men to women.

17. Oakland, California: “By 2017, the city plans to have 50 percent of its power come from renewable sources.” The other 50% will come from street gangs.

18. Springfield, Illinois: “The capital of Illinois is known for having quality drinking water and fresh air.” And absolutely nothing to do on a Friday night.

19. Boulder, Colorado: “Those who appreciate organic foods should consider relocating to Boulder.” Those who appreciate organic foods should also be in the top 10% of wage earners and have stunted taste buds.

20. Durham, North Carolina: “This city in the research triangle has numerous parks and trails to enjoy.” With the elimination of over-zealous prosecutor Mike Nifong, you can finally enjoy a good frat party again, too.

21. Wenatchee, Washington: “This small town in central Washington is in apple country - many fresh fruits and vegetables are grown here.” Population: 14

22. Boston, Massachusetts: “The city has a smoking ban in place to keep the air clean and a good public transportation system.” Now if they could only do something abawt that freakin’ accent.

23. Seattle, Washington: “The emerald city relies on more than rain to remain green.” It also relies on ongoing royalties from the “Wizard of Oz.”

24. Chattanooga, Tennessee: “What used to be a polluted city only 30 years ago, Chattanooga has made a remarkable turnaround.” Having said that, you’ll still be in Chattanooga.

25. Syracuse, New York: “The Syracuse Center of Excellence in Environmental and Energy Systems focuses on renewable energy, indoor air quality and water resources.” And trying not to sound too pompous.

26. Ann Arbor, Michigan: “Many residents ride public transportation or bikes to work.” Having spent the rest of their disposable income on college football tickets.

27. Daytona Beach: “This city is one of only several that rank in the top 25 for least amount of ozone and small particles in the air.” An abundance of spilled alcohol and the film crew of “Girls Gone Wild” helps keep down small particles of blowing sand.

global warming, climate change, environmentally friendly city, Daytona Beach, Oakland, Asheville, Austin, Santa Rosa, Chattanooga, Syracuse, Seattle, Boston, Wenatchee, Durham, Boulder, Springfield, Anchorage, Madison, Berkeley, Kansas City, Ithaca, St. Paul, Lexington, Huntsville, Burlington, Honolulu, Charlottesville, Eugene, Denver, Ithaca