Environmental Talk

“Hello? Room service? I ordered a cheeseburger three days ago, what seems to be the problem?”

It stands to reason … if you’re serious about global warming and don’t want to impact the environment on your next vacation, then you shouldn’t take your vacation anywhere here on Earth.

Lucky for you, your dream of a low-carbon-impact vacation is only a few short years away.

Galactic Suite, the galaxy’s first planned space hotel, expects to open for business in 2012 … or about the time President Hillary will be entering her second term.

Galactic Suite is billing itself as “the most expensive hotel in the galaxy,” but that’s only because Donald Trump has yet to announce his plans for the lavish Trump Uranus Hotel and Casino.

The Galactic Suite experience allows guests to travel around the world in 80 minutes and see the sun rise 15 times during a three-day orbit around the planet. The company notes this will ensure a minimum of 15 unwanted maid visits per day.

At four million dollars for a three-day stay, the Galactic Suite initially appears to be only for the wealthy few. However, when you consider that the three-day package also includes transportation to a Caribbean island where you’ll stay for 18-weeks of space training, the cost for the entire trip averages out to just under $138,000 per day; well within the budget of the average third world dictator or drug kingpin.

Like most upscale hotels, Galactic Suite offers a free Continental breakfast as well as a business center so you can e-mail your boss to let him know why you won’t be in for the next four and a half months.

Movies-on-demand will be available in all rooms but Galactic Suite owners warn that, due to weightlessness, watching the adult channels may be a little trickier than you’re used to - which is why two full weeks of the 18-week training regimen are devoted specifically to this topic.

Travelers are advised they are allowed only two pieces of carry-on baggage, one of which must fit under your seat in the space capsule. Also, all liquids, gels and creams must be under 3.5 ounces each and fit comfortably in a one-quart ziplock bag tethered to your wrist.

All Galactic Suite flights are non-smoking. Although, for four million dollars, the shuttle does offer complimentary beverage service as well as your choice of sexual partners from the flight crew.

Due to the duration of the flight, all requests for kosher or vegetarian sex partners must be made at least three weeks in advance of scheduled departure. No exceptions.

Galactic Suite Hotels. Because, in space, no one can hear you scream for extra towels….

global warming, climate change, Galactic Suite, Donald Trump, Uranus, space, the final frontier,