Environmental Talk

“Exciting and new ….”

People talk about “American ingenuity” but the best idea I’ve heard in a long time just came from a guy down in New Zealand.

Paul Bethune invented a high-speed boat that runs on human fat.

Just like that, we’ve solved both global warming and the obesity epidemic.

Paul’s invention is a stroke of pure genius. At last, FUPA energy independence is not just a pipe dream … it’s within our grasp.

But only if you’ve got really long arms.

Paul is going to attempt the never-before-accomplished feat of breaking the around-the-world speed record in an a sustainable fuel boat and win America’s Biggest Loser at the same time.

He’s looking for investors for his project. I, for one, am all over this like a fat kid on cake … at a marina. This thing is going to be bigger than the Segway.

All you need is a couple sumo wrestlers and the football coach of Kansas University and you could stay at sea for a couple years at a time.

Sittin’ on the reinforced dock of the bay….

When you really think about it, the sponsorship opportunities for this kind of ship are mind-boggling.

Plastic surgeons, Richard Simmons and executives from McDonald’s could all retire on the proceeds from a self-propelled, fat-fueled cruise where you were guaranteed to lose weight … or else get stranded in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Just off the top of your head, you probably can think of about a thousand Hollywood actors and other celebrities who’d sign up to slim down and island hop at the same time. Heck, the cruise for fashion models would sell out faster than half-price Hannah Montana tickets.

Paul christened his boat, the Earthrace, in an effort to promote environmental awareness.

Next up? A boat named the S.S. Bulimia.

It’s easy to get excited about the possibilities of a boat that is powered by blubber and has a net zero carbon footprint. But, just like with the move to ethanol, there are liable to be winners and losers as a result of the new technology.

If you can sell your fat to help power your car, the drive-through at Kentucky Fried Chicken is going to have to expand to four lanes.

With the resulting increase in the number of thin people around it’s going to be more difficult than ever to find someone to work in the Post Office or the cash register at Wal-Mart.

Since people will be pulling in to fuel up and slim down at the same time, your local gas station will have to start keeping a variety of smaller-sized jeans in stock.

And that vacuum hose machine at the car wash is going to be a veritable gold-mine as a coin-operated liposuction machine.

Before we sign off, I’d just like to dedicate this next video to all those girls who are going to help us break our addiction to OPEC.

Ladies, America salutes you …

global warming, climate change, Earthrace, Paul Bethune, Kentucky Fried Chicken, bulimia, fat-bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round