Environmental Talk

“Call me Ishmael - but don’t call me late for dinner…”

There are a bunch of eco-tourists who are scrambling to read the fine print on the contract they initialed when they signed up for a Japanese whale watching tour.

As reported in the Mainichi Daily News, the sightseers were “looking forward to observing the mighty creatures in their natural habitat.”

Naturally, (see what I did there?) everyone was excited when “a whale was spotted spraying water from its blowhole…about 3.5 kilometers away from the whale-watching vessel off the coast of Hokkaido’s Shiretoko Peninsula.”

The tourist boat headed toward the whale for a closer look and another memorable Kodak moment.

There was one minor problem. A short distance from the whale was another boat - a Japanese whaling vessel.

You can probably guess what happened next. Willy got p3wned, as the kids say.

By the time the tourist ship got near enough to treat its passengers to a close look at the whale, the whaling vessel had already harpooned the great fish, er…mammal. Whatever.

Instead of a 12-ton water ballet, the vacationers were “greeted by the sight of a harpooned whale being dragged in by a Japanese whaling vessel.”

It would have been just another day in the Circle of Life except one of the ships’ captains had to get all snippy and throw an aquatic tantrum.

Yes, the captain of the whaling vessel filed an official complaint with the local authorities. The complaint stated,

“The passenger boat approached us, which was extremely dangerous. We think this could be considered dangerous sailing, and we want you to issue a warning.”

I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve been out sailing and have mistaken a tourist-filled cruiser for a Humpback whale and have subsequently launched a rocket-propelled harpoon at an unsuspecting crowd of picture-takers in Hawaiian shirts.

Oh, wait. Yes, I can. If I recall correctly, it’s exactly … zero.

It seems to me, if you’re shooting off high-velocity, razor-barbed projectiles, it’s not too much to ask that you: a) check for other boats before firing or, b) hit the gigantic sea creature you’re aiming at.

It’s just good seafarin’ to be able to hit an animal the size of the local Wal-Mart.

In the end, this story is just one more example of the delicate balance that exists between man and nature.

Or, as your mother used to say, “It’s all fun and games until somebody puts an eye out.”

global warming, climate change, whales, environment, Free Willy, Seinfeld, Wal-Mart, your mom