Environmental Talk

“The movie you are about to see is extremely unpleasant ….”

When we last heard from Homeland Security Secretary Count Olaf Michael Chertoff at the beginning of July, he had a “gut feeling” that we were facing an increased terror threat during the summer.

We’re now officially into autumn and, not counting Iranian president Amaddinnerjihad’s (no, I’m not going to waste the time looking up the correct spelling) visit to Columbia University, the most terrifying thing that happened all summer was the collapse of the New York Mets.

Even as a card-carrying New Yorker, I’m not willing to blame the team’s fade on fanatical Muslims. Sure the Mets could have traded for bin-Laden, but he’s not the imposing presence on the mound that he used to be and it just wasn’t worth it to give up future draft choices.

Failed hunches notwithstanding, Michael Chertoff apparently hasn’t learned to keep his crazy ideas to himself. His latest ramblings include a defense of a border fence between Mexico and the U.S. because it would be good for the environment.

In a telephone interview with the Associated Press, Chertoff said:

“Illegal migrants really degrade the environment. I’ve seen pictures of human waste, garbage, discarded bottles and other human artifact in pristine areas. And believe me, that is the worst thing you can do to the environment.”

I don’t know. It can’t be a whole lot worse than spewing that kind of ignorant garbage into the atmosphere.

“Illegal migrants really degrade the environment.”?! Is Chertoff is just assuming that all “those people” are smelly, nasty and disease-ridden?

And you can just imagine how wanting to come to this country for the freedom to make a better life for their children will “degrade the environment” for the rest of the 300 million sons, daughters and spouses of immigrants who live here.

While we’re at it, can we please put an end to all this nonsense about how “pristine” nature is?

All you need to do is watch the Discovery Channel or go camping to know that nature is dirty, fetid and bug-infested. If we’re going to put up a fence because some dude crapped in the desert, then let’s extend that reasoning to all the creatures in the biosphere and put up a fence around Central Park to keep out Golden Retrievers, Border Collies and pigeons … and their “artifacts.”

Our immigration policy should be the same as the admission policy to a college frat party. Anyone with $10 and a proper ID can get in and stay from 9:00 p.m. until ?

However, we should have two big frat brothers from the football team who will keep out xenophobic knuckleheads who think immigrants are a danger to the environment.

global warming, climate change, Michael Chertoff, immigrants cause global warming, college frat parties, golden retrievers, border collies, Central Park