Environmental Talk

“All in all, just another brick in the green wall….”

Okay, I get that I am a blight on the environment. I understand that my every move wreaks havoc on a delicately balanced eco-system that is so fragile it’s only been around for 4.5 billion years.

I can’t eat, drink, sleep, work or play without endangering an entire species somewhere on the planet.

Malaria epidemics, breaches of national security and Hurricane Katrina are all my fault due to the carbon footprints I’m constantly tracking into this living room we call Earth.

Since I’m not wealthy enough to have disposable income to spend on purchasing carbon offsets, my only choice is to cut back on any pleasures or conveniences I now enjoy in an effort to stand as the last bastion of defense in the face of an onrushing climate Armageddon.

Believe me, I understand exactly where the eco-zealots are going with all that.

I just have one request … leave my dog out of it.

If a recent article in Newsweek is to be believed, you not only have to worry about yourself and all the other evil humans who are a scourge on the planet, you now have to be concerned about your pet’s carbon footprint, er … pawprint.

After all, you do want to make the world safe for your dog’s puppies and her puppies’ puppies as well as her puppies’ puppies’ puppies, right? (Somewhere a search engine just overloaded on “cute” due to the use of six “puppies” in the same sentence.)

According to Newsweek, “there is no shortage of marketers willing to help consumers part with some of their green pet bucks.”

See, I told you I understood where they were going with all this.

You’ll be happy to know that, just like you, every aspect of your pet’s life is now subject to scrutiny and measurement against an all-encompassing green yardstick.

Picking up Fido’s waste? Socially conscious. Using plastic bags to pick up Fido’s waste? Not so much.

The makers of Skooperbox want you to know that you can clean up after your dog and save the world at the same time. Man, it’s like you’re some kind of superhero or something.

As the makers of Skooperbox will tell you, “Skooperbox is made of 100% recycled material and is completely biodegradable, so you’ll be helping the environment as you do your duty.”

The potential advertising copy almost writes itself: Do do your duty to help your dog do his doodie.

Maybe it’s just me but I get a little nervous when people start describing picking up after my dog as my “duty.”

It’s not a duty; it’s a courtesy to others. Let’s not raise it to the level of serving in the Army. Or going to confession.

I have enough guilt about not being green enough as it is.

global warming, climate change, guilt, green pets, eco-zealots, carbon footprint, carbon pawprint, Hurricane Katrina, epidemics, national security, Scooperbox