Environmental Talk

Previously, on “24″ …

Everybody tells me that we’re close to a tipping point on global warming, but I’m not worried because Jack Bauer is on the case.

The Washington Post reports that, starting next season, producers of 24 “will take steps to reduce and offset the carbon emissions from the show’s production, with the goal of having the season finale be entirely carbon-neutral.”

In addition, anyone who is identified as a global warming skeptic will have a hood put over their head, be taken to an undisclosed location and Jack Bauer will demand to know, “WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!”

The changes to the show will also help Al Gore. Gore will no longer have to go around the country with a Power Point presentation. If you have any questions about global warming, you just have to “LEAVE, NOW!” and Jack Bauer will explain them to you in the car.

Here are our Top 5 Jack Bauer Global Warming Facts:
1.) When told about the dangers of greenhouse gases, Jack Bauer neutralized his carbon footprint … with extreme prejudice.

2.) If global warming causes sea levels to rise, Jack Bauer will single-handedly hold off the Atlantic Ocean until everyone is able to leave Manhattan.

3.) Jack Bauer doesn’t worry about global warming. No matter how hot it gets, he’ll still keep his cool.

4.) The disappearance of polar bears has been blamed on global warming. The real cause? One of them pissed off Jack Bauer.

5.) Glaciers were melting due to global warming but Jack Bauer put an end to that with an icy stare.

Top 10 20 Regular Jack Bauer Facts:
1.) If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan at the Battle of Thermopylae, the movie would have been called “1″.

2.) Strippers tip Jack Bauer.

3.) There were originally five horsemen of the Apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.

4.) Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.

5.) When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.

6.) On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down “violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with violence.

7.) Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

8.) Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in three moves.

9.) Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.

10.) When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

11.) If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the Secret Service.

12.) The “Smoothie” was invented when Jack Bauer needed information from a banana.

13.) When Jack Bauer used Herbal Essence, the shampoo had an orgasm.

14.) Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30 a.m.

15.) Jack Bauer brought sexy back, then shot Justin Timberlake for trying to take the credit.

16.) Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk.

17.) Jack Bauer stands in front of his microwave and yells “WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!” while waiting for his Noodle Ramen to cook.

18.) The bumper sticker on Jesus’ car reads, “WWJBD?”

19.) Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a “knock-knock” joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamn bomb was.

20.) Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

global warming, climate change, Jack Bauer, 24,

For even more stuff on Jack Bauer, check out Aaron’s blog over at Watching 24.

*Regular Jack Bauer facts culled from Random Jack Bauer facts website. An ET favorite.