Environmental Talk

Sale pending

The BBC reports that an English architectural firm has designed the first zero emissions home. And, damn! … that is one good-looking two-bedroom residence.

It looks like something my grandmother used to store bread in.

The house features “a biomass boiler (which burns wood pellets for heat) and water efficiency devices such as rainwater harvesting.”

Burning wood “counts as zero-emission because the carbon dioxide it gives off during the burning process is offset by the amount absorbed when the fuel crop was grown.”

So, basically, we’ve got a house that has a wood stove for heat and collects rainwater.

Talk about technological advances! There hasn’t been anything like that since … oh, say, the 1700s.

According to the article,

The home generates all its own energy - and when you’re away on holiday can send electricity back to the National Grid. The company says its annual energy bill would be £31, as compared to £500 for the standard new home of this size.

Not to nitpick here, but if the house generates all its own energy and sends electricity back to the National Grid when you’re on vacation, who’s the £31 going to?

I am a technology geek. I love new stuff and the house does have some cool features. The vacuum-pressure trash can that sucks trash to a central location is awesome…unless, of course, you drop a ring, cat or small child into the trash by mistake.

Let’s get to the bottom line. While you’re saving money on electricity, the building does cost “40% more than the standard home” which mean it should pay for itself sometime in the 23rd century.

You did want to save the world for your children’s children’s children’s children, didn’t you?

global warming, climate change, eco-house, living green, sustainable living, BBC, England, affordable housing,

Watch out for cobblestones!

Attention all fund raisers: Please note that there is a new chapter in the manual, Fundraising For Dummies. This chapter addresses the new trend for people to get naked in the name of charity.

The chain of logic here seems to be that the only thing Paris Hilton ever did to become famous was to take off her clothes. Therefore, it must be profitable to get naked. And, if you can get naked for a good cause, all the better.

In response to an article at Get Incensed, reader Eideann pointed me to a story on Yahoo! News about World Naked Bike Ride Day. The event took place last weekend in Mexico City “to highlight the damage caused by car dependency in the capital.”

First off, it would seem a little presumptuous to call it World Naked Bike Ride Day, when you’re trying to call attention to cars in Mexico City.

Secondly, if you’re going to get naked and ride around, what’s the point of carrying an umbrella? The only possible reason would be to hide your excitement while talking to some hot chick at the finish line.

Can we nip this trend in the bud? (I’m uncomfortable talking about nipping things in the bud when there’s nudity involved, but let’s continue…)

Somebody call Bill Maher so we can have a New Rule: Regular people aren’t allowed to get naked for charity. Regular people can threaten to get naked and then extort money to keep their clothes on, but the only people who should be getting naked for money are Playmates and Pussycat Dolls.

Insert gratuitous Playboy photo here. Okay!

Time to get ready for another charity gig…

The other problem I have with World Naked Bike Ride Day is that it is quite clear that it was poorly organized. Where’s the corporate sponsorship? I’m thinking the makers of Gold Bond powder and Purel hand sanitizer would be all over this willing to sponsor this event.

Let’s all go back to silent auctions and $500-a-plate dinners to raise money.

Don’t make me get naked for charity … these abs of steel have been known to cause riots.

global warming, climate change, World Naked Bike Ride Day, naked, Playboy, Pussycat Dolls, Purel, Gold Bond powder, Bill Maher, Mexico City, Kimberly Holland

The mime: the clown’s dirty cousin

The World Wildlife Fund is trying to keep mimes out of Fort Dauphin, Madagascar. This is a good thing. The last thing a poor, desolate part of Africa needs is an influx of street performers who will compete for … wait, what? The WWF is against mines in Fort Dauphin.

Well, that’s a different story. Roy Innis, chairman of CORE (Congress of Racial Equality), had something to say about the WWF and other organizations in a recent editorial that appeared in Investor’s Business Daily…

The WWF, Greenpeace, Oxfam, Sierra Club, Rainforest Action Network and other multinational activist groups battle mines in Romania, Peru, Chile, Ghana and Indonesia; electricity projects in Uganda, India and Nepal; biotechnology that could improve farm incomes and reduce malnutrition in Kenya, India, Brazil and the Philippines; and DDT that could slash malaria rates in Africa, where the disease kills 3,000 children a day.

They harp on technology’s speculative hazards and ignore real, life-or-death dangers that modern mining, development and technology would reduce or prevent. They never mention the jobs, clinics, schools, roads, improved housing and small business opportunities — or the electricity, refrigeration, safe water, better nutrition, reduced disease and fewer dead children.

Mr. Innis takes aim at one of the key problems that many reasonable people have with hard-core environmentalism - it smacks of elitism and Big Brother power-grabbing.
(more…)

How does it feel?

Talking about solutions to the global warming problem is a lot like talking to guys about sex or your ex-wife about alimony - whatever you do, it’s never enough.

Rolling Stone magazine put out it’s first green issue featuring articles by Al Gore (My Favorite Recipe for Chocolate Cake) and Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. (How to Maintain Your Green Credentials While Drilling for Oil).

In addition, the magazine is printed on “carbon neutral” paper made by a company in Canada using a process that the company says adds no carbon dioxide to the atmosphere in the process.

The New York Times notes that:

The paper, which is considerably thinner than what Rolling Stone uses now, is made by a Canadian mill, Catalyst Paper, that the magazine says has reduced greenhouse-gas emissions by 82 percent since 2005 and been cited by the World Wildlife Fund for its conservation efforts.

To me, that seems like an effort to go above and beyond the standard corporate green posturing and is certainly more than what any other major magazine seems to have done.

Instead of being congratulated for its voluntary efforts, Rolling Stone has come under criticism from global warming advocates because the paper is not made with any recycled content.

Way to be supportive, climate change activists. Rolling Stone has consented to dress up, role play and let you film it and now you’re giving the magazine grief because it refuses to do anal.

When you start talking about purchasing carbon offsets and taxing profits to pay for green projects, the money involved is going to end up somewhere. Where there’s guilt-money floating around, you’re bound to attract a certain group with a morally-neutral footprint.

It’s an unfortunate fact that some of the species that are thriving as the planet warms are opportunistic bottom-feeders.

global warming, climate change, Rolling Stone, Al Gore, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., chocolate cake, oil drilling, sex, alimony, role play, anal

It took some crack investigating from Susie over at JollyGreenGirl.org to uncover the real cause of global warming.

If global warming is caused by God hugging the planet and God (as we’ve been repeatedly reminded) is a Republican, then a vote for any of the Democrats could plunge us into the next Ice Age.

Damn. Gore was right. Global warming is a moral issue.

global warming, climate change, presidential elections, Gore, God, Republican, Democrat

Evidence FOR global warming

After a tense, final meeting with Russian president Vladimir Putin, British prime minister Tony Blair predicted a “deep freeze” in his country’s relations with Russia.

Global warming advocates were quick to point out that relations between the two countries had been thawing until recently and, therefore, any talk of a deep freeze must be related to the increased presence of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.

Evidence AGAINST global warming

Climate change skeptics scoffed at the suggestion, saying that further measurements were necessary. Skeptics got some unlikely support for their case from former President Clinton who noted that Hillary Clinton has been frigid toward him for years and he saw no signs of any melting
anytime soon.

global warming, climate change, Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Vladimir Putin, Hillary Clinton, deep freeze

“They like the way I dress…”

The ladies will start to bounce as soon as you hit the club in the newest T-shirt from Busted Tees.

Way to be socially conscious, dawg.

global warming, climate change, Busted Tees, socially conscious

“Next time you see me comin’ … you’d better run …”

Okay, I’ll admit it. It was kind of hard for me to get excited about high tide being a little further up the beach 50 years from now. And (don’t tell anyone) it really didn’t bother me that a couple of polar bears might have to tread water for a little bit longer than they were used to before the next iceberg came along.

But my casual attitude toward climate change was before I read about the latest animal migration caused by global warming - vampire moths are invading Finland.

We have clearly passed the tipping point and need to do something about global warming when moths that “feast on human blood” start migrating toward Helsinki. It’s time to spring into action.

Portrait of an endangered species

No, really … I’m serious.

Finland is right next to Sweden and these two countries are responsible for 62% of the world’s blonde female population. If global warming is allowed to continue unchecked, and the calpe moth continues to migrate from Southeast Asia to Scandinavia, we could be facing a worldwide shortage of blondes in as little as 10 years.

The consequences are dire and could affect us all - we’d have to start telling redhead jokes and cheerleading squads would be decimated worldwide.

Names like Buffy, Amber and Bambi would become a thing of the past and could further worsen a pending global shortage of strippers and porn stars.

Our choice of action is clear. We need to come up with a plan to halt greenhouse gas emissions worldwide. More importantly, we need to start producing more blondes to help protect this fragile and endangered species.

If just one Swedish bikini team member a week would agree to sleep with me, we could go a long way toward solving the climate change crisis (as well as a couple other crises I can think of).

Or I guess we could just get a can of Raid and spray for moths . . .

global warming, climate change, vampire moths, Swedish bikini team, Finland, Sweden, blonde jokes, cheerleaders, strippers, porn stars,

Does she bite?

Psssst….want some tips on how to live greener without having to sit through a two-hour PowerPoint presentation?

Check out Ideal Bite for some cool ideas presented in a low-key style with a generous dash of humor. Their opening come-on says it all:

Welcome! We know that you would just love to “do the right thing” for yourself and the planet if it were convenient, fun, inexpensive, and made you feel good. But until now you have lacked a good source of advice for real people leading busy lives.

No guilt trip here, just an offer to help. Makes you kinda wish there were more sites like this.

Ideal Bite is worth a visit just for the T-shirts . . .

global warming, climate change, Ideal Bite, sassier shade of green, T-shirts

“… make that the Top Six things …” or “What the hell kind of bird just crapped on my windshield?!”

Let’s face it … doing something about global warming is the new cool activist topic of choice. I know ’cause I heard it on E! News.

Being environmentally conscious is so trendy even America Online is featuring tips on how to save the planet. It doesn’t get much hipper than that.

Here at ET we’ve always wanted to hang with the cool kids, so after reading AOL’s suggestions, we decided we could do better.

After all, there’s no sense being half-assed about your commitment to save the Earth.

Here are five hard-core tips for the those who want to walk the gangsta nature walk:

1. Hybrid, That’s All I Ever Heard
One of the most common suggestions made by concerned climate change advocates is to drive a hybrid car. By hopping in your Prius you can save money and save the planet, so driving a hybrid lets you kill two humans with one stone (because killing two birds would be ecologically wrong).

But why drive a hybrid car when you could use a Vietnamese orphan-powered rickshaw? Talk about status! Not only will you be just as trendy as Angelina and Brad by adopting someone from a third-world country, you’ll also be helping to reduce our dependence on foreign oil.

2. Expect More, Pay Less
Don’t be fooled by big corporations like The Gap and Target who are posturing for your green dollar. Everyone knows real organic clothes are ones that have already started to decay. And you can only get those from one source — homeless people.

Use cloves and lemon juice to help disinfect the clothes you buy from that mentally ill woman on the corner who thinks you’re a Klingon. And don’t forget that Victoria’s Secret items are also recyclable as well as being a real test of your commitment to halt global warming.

3. Mow Better Blues
AGW believers hate lawn mowers. So, they’ve come up with a totally reasonable solution to maintaining your lawn — goats. Companies like Goats-R-Us (www.goatsrus.com) charge around $700 an acre for their service.

While that may sound expensive (raised social consciousness never comes cheap), that cost includes transportation and nutritional supplements as well as health care and insurance for the goats. Imagine how good you’ll feel knowing that you’re helping the environment. On the other hand, you’ll probably feel worse that the goats have a better benefits program than you do.

4. You’re Now Free to Move (Slowly) About the Country
Eco-tourism is the latest fad in the travel industry. But wait, you weren’t really thinking about driving your hybrid car down to Costa Rica, were you?

The only natural way to head down to Central America on your summer vacation is to walk. Assuming you walk at a reasonable pace, don’t dawdle at rest stops and bring plenty of Xtasy, you should be able to make the trip in 70-80 days if you only sleep every third day. Not close enough to nature? Try making the trip naked.

5. I Can’t Believe I Swallowed the Whole Foods Thing
Pay more, eat bland. Whole Foods and other organic supermarkets specialize in over-priced, tasteless food. But that’s a small price to pay for doing good things for Mother Earth and striking a blow against big evil corporations.

Oh, did we forget to mention that 95% all organic fruits and vegetables come from three massive eco-cartel farms in California? Turns out bullshit is a natural fertilizer, too.

global warming, climate change, goatsrus, Whole Foods, Costa Rica,

“Hey, after this cosmic wedgie, wanna go out for sushi ?”

Everyone’s trying to live healthier these days. To help in that effort, we’re sharing a little link love here at ET.

Today’s first link is provided courtesy of Stumbler Lisa who sent me to check out a recent post by Jolly Green Girl that had tips on all kinds of eco-friendly cleaning products.

Also deserving of your link love is fellow 451er KD Griffin over at Watching CSI. KD is a self-described video workout fanatic but still finds time for watching CSI and keeping an eye on William Petersen’s eating habits.

As the Buddhists say, it’s all about finding the balance . . .

[tags] global warming, climate change, Jolly Green Girl, Watching CSI,

“For me!?! . . .”

As a regular reader of Josh Comer’s hilarious blog, Jokes That Won’t Matter Tomorrow, I’m always glad when he turns his focus to the topic of climate change. A couple of favorites from the JTWMT archives:

Former vice president Al Gore says he has “fallen out of love with politics”, though he does admit that things between him and Hostess’ cream-filled cupcakes are still going hot and heavy.

President Bush has demanded action on his plan to cut U.S. gasoline use by 20 percent by 2017. Bush is already doing his part; today, he refused to pick up one of his appointees from the witness stand.

A Napa Valley Hotel has replaced the Bible usually found in the nightstand drawer with a copy of An Inconvenient Truth. The hotel made the decision after many guests requested something to read that made them feel more doomed than the Bible.

Thanks to heavy snowfall, the Cleveland Indians will have to play their next scheduled home series against the Angels in Milwaukee’s Miller Park. Al Gore is set to throw out the first explanation.

Today, President George W. Bush said he took climate change “very seriously”, which is his way of saying he dresses in layers.

Stay cool, y’all.

global warming, climate change, Josh Comers, Jokes That Won’t Matter Tomorrow, Al Gore, George Bush, Cleveland Indians

Shanghai Surprise

It’s all about the Benjamins … or the Maos … or the Queen Elizabeths … or about the group picture of The Sopranos that people tell me is on the Italian currency.

As the G-8 summit looms, China continues to take a hard-line against global warming. Or, more accurately, the Chinese continue to take a hard-line in favor of being in charge of their own development.

China appears to be one of the few nations to recognize that the end-game of the climate change debate is about how to get money out of developing nations into the hands of corrupt Third World despots lesser developed countries.

China’s position is that already industrialized countries like the U.S. (whose carbon emissions actually declined last year!) should foot the bill and allow China (whose carbon emissions were up by 60% last year) to grow and catch up.

Only in the goofy world of international diplomacy could any of this be taken seriously. It’s like asking China to stop teaching their kids math so that the U.S. students can catch up.

In a side note, former German chancellor Helmut Schmidt called for an end to the “hysterical and overheated” approach being taken toward global warming.

It now appears that there is no consensus either among scientists or among politicians about the dangers of global warming.

global warming, climate change, Helmut Schmidt, China, money, Benjamins, G-8,

I can tell you fancy, I can tell you plain
You give something up for everything you gain
Since every pleasure’s got an edge of pain
Pay for your ticket and don’t complain

The U.S. and Australia remain the major countries that have not signed on to the Kyoto Protocol. The accord, drafted by the United Nations, looks to set greenhouse gas emissions back to pre-1990 levels.

Before we get all jacked up about going back to 1990 on anything, we should take a look at what was going on at that time.

Up until 1990 Germany was still divided into East and West Germany and the World Health Organization still listed homosexuality as a disease.

In 1990, Stevie Ray Vaughn and Alan Hale, Jr. (Skipper from Gilligan’s Island) died. Milli Vanilli had their Grammy revoked for lip-syncing; Cop Rock, a musical cop show, premiered and was canceled almost immediately; Iraq invaded Kuwait; and Buster Douglas knocked out a seemingly invincible Mike Tyson for the heavyweight championship.

There were natural disasters and extreme weather events back then, too - contrary to much of what we hear today about how much worse current weather conditions are. There was a 7.7 Richter earthquake in the Philippines that killed 1600 people and in Phoenix, Arizona the temperature reached a record high of 122 degrees.

As is the case through most of human history, there were bright spots. The first World Wide Web page was written. It’s a good bet that less than a week later, the first porn site was up and taking credit card numbers.

One event stands out, however, in its correlation with global warming.

The 1990 acceleration in global temperature coincides exactly with the debut and subsequent rising popularity of The Simpsons. Doh!

global warming, climate change, Gilligan’s Island, Skipper, Stevie Ray Vaughn, porn, www, world wide web, The Simpsons, WHO, AIDS, Milli Vanilli,

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